When
death comes suddenly and unexpectedly and the "WHY?"
is never answered and you ask "How could this have happened?"
Your life is suddenly washed away like the sand and your family
unit, the foundation of all that you knew, is taken from you in
an instant. Losing a parent, a child or a spouse suddenly is like
a wave crashing against a rock. The impact is hard and it can
break away pieces that were once solid and strong.
We
search for the answers but it leaves us feeling helpless and frustrated.
Suddenly like a sand castle your world has crumbled and the answers
are not found. You begin to blame yourself, and then comes the
questions, "what if I had", "If only I did".
We can’t change the "what ifs". Like castles in
the sand, rebuilding your life against the waves seems futile.
The
"waves" of the questions that may never be answered
may keep you from rebuilding and keep you from reaching that calm
and that peace. You need to give yourself time to let the waters
settle and move away from the guilt, the unanswered questions
and work towards understanding that you can't change
what happened. You have no control over fate and like the waves
washing against the shore, you can't stop it or control it.
As
time goes on, by sharing your feelings, your fears, your guilt
and growing towards the hope that you will one day feel the calmness,
we learn to stop blaming ourselves or wishing we had the power
of control over life and death. Together we learn that we really
have nothing to forgive ourselves for and know that we
can only accept the things we cannot control.
Margie
